Know Thine Enemy [ COMIC ]

Oh, how I wish this wasn’t true. Playing something like Madden or Call of Duty you expect this kind of gamer to be in the mix. But games like UNO, as well? I’ll be honest with you. Some of the biggest jerks I have ever had the chance to encounter on Xbox Live have been while playing UNO. Main reason I quit plugging in my headphones while playing my Xbox 360 a very long time ago.

I’m all for humorous versions of naming the difficulty levels (ie. “Can I play, Daddy?”, “Damn I’m Good”, “I’m a Freight Train O’ Death”, “The Boss Extreme”), but I think there should be an establish set for difficulty levels. I know we have “easy”, “medium” and “hard”, but what about above and below these levels: “very easy” or “very hard”? That seems very lame. I used “practice” and “extreme” in the comic myself… I guess “ultimate” or “supreme” could have worked for “extreme” as well, but still it would help if there was a standard nomenclature. Just saying…


  • Jarrett

    Hahaha, that’s true for most online games not just Xbox Live

    • chif ii

      Most online games? Hell, this is true across the entire internet.

      • Daikex


  • Eric

    I’d tend to agree, but I won’t lie, it bothers me that it should be “Know Thine Enemy”. Other than that, great comic. The truth sucks sometimes

  • BigLord

    I like “Pathetic; Easy; Medium; Hard; Insane” myself, heh.

    • Armane

      I like Viewtiful Joe’s; Kids, Adults, V-Rated, Ultra V-Rated. That way you don’t waste time catering to a group of people who aren’t going to buy your game (Babies, and Teens – and if they do they’ll just lie and say they are Adults), and by gating the two hardest difficulties you artificially increase replay value. Everybody wins.

      Metal Gear Solid’s smorgasbord of difficulties is also good, although it is essentially: Easy, Also Easy, Normal, Hard, Hard with more enemies, Hard with more enemies and in the dark, Hard with more enemies and in the dark and if you’re spotted it’s game over, and Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAKE!

      I’ve never played an online game with difficulty levels though. Although I guess some of them had room labelling based upon what sort of player they want to attract.

  • Methusael86

    I agree about the UNO thing. One time I won a match and someone sent me a message calling me a “Porch-Monkey Bitch.”

    • bidoopoo

      Did they tell you they were “taking it back”?

  • Agent Spliced

    Heh, I can see an unlucky new reader looking at this page and at first glance thinking, ”where’s the graph?”

  • ThisGuy

    I like the Halo:Reach matchmaker idea where it filters out the chattier opponants/team mates, as well as the “less likely to be a dick” people. I know its hard to keep tabs on those types of people, but if the industry can help gamers stay away from the racy crowd the better.
    Oh and if anyone doesn’t think this is true with UNO, there is a post in the XBL Suspension/Banned forums about a kid who exposed himself during a game… yeah Strip Uno is one thing but come on!

  • lulz

    Damn i wanted to start bashing the suckyness of consoles but i encountered massive amounts assholes in a lot of pc online games i played too.

  • Crystal

    This is why I almost never play multiplayer or online games with other people, period.

    I need to figure out how to start a gaming group in order to avoid this sort of thing. It can be called “normal people” :/

  • Kbra

    Think of this, if it is 100%… that means you are an Ahole too. That includes everyone commenting on this strip, everyone ever playing xbox live, including your sisters, mothers, grammas… they are all aholes.

    Funny, huh?

    • bidoopoo

      To be fair my gramma is kinda an ahole.

      She constantly “spawn camps” and then steals all the loot my guy drops. The wrinkly old bitch.

    • Not true, the chance of encountering an asshole is not the same as the amount of assholes on a game. If you play a 4v4 game, that’s 8 people, only one of which needs to be an asshole. Also, the premise probably also implies that this happens if you 1) play with randoms, and 2) play for a long enough period or play enough rounds/matches/sessions/whatever else.

      That said, this is also pedantic, and clearly the point is to be hyperbolic.

  • Why Can’t I Hold All These Limes

    “Why u mad tho?”
    Seriously though, I played a round of Halo: Reach with this guy who, after I one upped him in a game, sent me a message consisting of “I’ma kil ur family and track ur ip adres” (keep in mind, I’m a relatively new 360 gamer, and this was before I was familiar with privacy settings preventing this kind of thing). I send him one back, simply stating I’m planning to report his message to Microsoft and that, if there’s any justice in the world, he’ll be banned from live for a couple days. I checked his play history, and the only thing he’s played is Reach, so I’m relatively certain that he’s new to the system and, combined with his spelling, is likely some little kid somewhere.
    So we trade PMs back and forth while we’re playing for another hour or so. Of course, you can’t send a message while you play. At one point he’s in the middle of sending yet another original, well though out response along the lines of “Thats it ur familys ded i hav ur ip adres”, right before the game is going to end. As he’s typing the message, I knife him in the back, melee the body, then crouch over it for good measure. Game ends, and I’ve still got more points than he does.

    You’ve just got to know how to deal with these guys, Steve. School them, show them how it’s done.

  • SumRndmPokéTrnr

    Honestly, I think it is the anonymity of the internet that makes people trolls. On the BNet forums, I hardly ever see trolls there. But then that’s just me.

    Also, is it wrong for me to think that if the nuclear reactors in Japan meltdown will bring Pokémon to reality?

  • SecondTomorrow

    I think the “Extreme” rating in MGS is apt, since the difficulty is akin to being fucked by a cactus in terms of enjoyment.

  • Jander

    what about, casual -> easy -> medium -> hard -> hardcore

  • B2k3

    I also thought the accepted replacement for “very easy” was “novice”