The Birds and the Bejeweled [ COMIC ]

I am willing to bet that you guys could fill this entire post’s comment section with sexual terms renamed with video game titles. Don’t proof me wrong as it would make for some interesting reads.

On a slightly off subject note, you know it’s been almost five months since Harvey has appeared in a Dueling Analogs comic? I haven’t felt comfortable drawing Harvey for a long time. In fact, I’ve wanted to redesign that character for years now. Just never got around to doing it. Pretty much the only time he appears on the site is when I create a new What if…? or somebody does a guest strip. In recent months, I’ve just used my comic persona in place of Harvey. Though I do get a kick out of drawing the stylized persona of myself that looks nothing like me. Loads of fun.


  • anything to do with scat porn is now known as superman 64.

  • David Herbert

    Tantric sex, adventuring for a few hours with low payoff, can now be referred to as “The princess is in another castle.”

    • bobulous

      tantric sex should be called Grinding, or some other MMO term.

  • Josh

    Bondage should be called Demon’s Souls. It hurts either way.

  • Criminal

    Luring immigrant youngsters to your seedy barn with promises of a pony show is now called Dora the Explorer: Barnyard Buddies and hiding the body is henceforth known as Dig Dug.

  • Ironically, using two condoms gives less safety, as the friction between the two makes them more likely to break. I’m not sure exactly what that says about Final Fantasy XIII in the context of this joke, but I’m sure it says something.

    • TheState

      Perhaps it is analogizing the ignorant and misguided attempt at making something “safe” by sacrificing innovation. Instead of actually making the product safer, the lack of enjoyability caused it to be even riskier for the license in the long run by doing potentially irreparable damage to the brand’s reputation.

      • bidoopoo

        And all this time I thought guys doubled up on rubbers so the girl could actually feel something inside her.

        Not me mind you, I never wear the things.

  • Randomgamerdude

    People who don’t have sex but instead spend their time on the Internet complaining and making fun of games shall henceforth be known as “Dueling Analogs”…
    XD admit it, you saw that coming.

    • Dante


    • John

      She totally saw that coming OOOOOHHHHHHH!!

      • He


  • Kairamek

    When a man finishes in less than a minute it’s a “Crono Trigger.” When his partener punches afterwards it’s a “Chrono Cross.”

    And of course, an ‘Animal Crossing’ is bestiality.

    Lastly, the man who always satifies his demanding and ungreatful female partern, with no reward I might add, is a “Legend of Zelda.”

  • Casey

    When A man is too well endowed but the woman want to try to impress….. She swallows him whole only to cough it back out a few seconds later. This would be a Kirby.

  • Criminal


  • Karasn

    When a woman causes a man to come to orgasm, but then she continues going for her own greedy needs, and forces the man to come again and again, each time getting more and more painful, this is simply known as the Final Fantasy. Each time it happens again, you wish the last one really was the final one. (Could also be named the Final Sexual Fantasy, or FFX-2)

  • Crest

    I’d like to make a joke about Metal Gear Solid in sexual terms, but I’m pretty sure Solid Snake, Liquid Snake, Naked Snake and Snake Eater are pretty much already done for me. Plus the fact they generally have one eye as a motif and I wonder if Hideo Kojima’s f*cking with us.

  • Nekozilla

    When a man sleeps with a woman one night and the woman is gone the next morning leaving only a picture of herself and an audio recording that is now known as “Snake eater”

  • Brandon

    The “Mega Man”. Conquering your one night stand, then discovering you’ve gained their VD.

    • Ryu

      XD “This one wins the thread! Especially considering that probably the biggest recurring comic gag on this site is Megaman related.”

      • Brandon

        Heh…. thanks! :-)

  • Meliai

    When you have an affair between six different women, showing off each one to your friends and sometimes passing them between friends…shall be known as ‘pokemon’

    • Ryu

      “You can’t honestly see where ‘Pokémon’ kinda speaks for itself. ‘Pokémon’ would relate to a 6-man, homoerotic gangbang. When you switch, the next one in takes damage. I bet a bunch of people could come up with a list of jokes for this one alone.”

      • John

        And they will.

        Gay sex will be known as Team Rocket.
        Threesomes will be called Dugtrios.
        A man becoming aroused will be known as Ekans Evolving.
        A woman becoming aroused will be called Shellder Evolving.
        Screaming orgasms will be known as We’re Blasting Off Agaaaaaain!
        Natural breasts are Jigglypuffs.

        Stop looking at me like that.

        • Brandon

          Does that mean going half-flaccid is a Wigglytuff?

  • PunkrawkBbob

    Using Viagra is referred to as popping a Mario due to the emulation of him getting a power mushroom.

  • andrew

    Dead Rising is necrophilia

    • Ryu

      “No no, Dead Rising is Rigor Mortis specifically. Extra points if you have a book on it, or you get a picture of the ‘Brutal’ or ‘Outtake’ parts.”

  • foreplay shall now be called, button-mashing

  • J. G.

    Whenever a man finishes very quickly, he shall be known as “Sonic the Hedgehog.”
    When a man engages in sexual intercourse with a woman during her period, it shall be known as the “Rondo of Blood.”
    If a woman plays with a man’s genitals prior to or after fellatio, it shall be said that she is playing “Pong.”
    Lastly, if a woman performs fellatio on a man, and spits on to his stomach afterwards, it shall be known as “A Boy and his Blob.”

  • Ryu

    “Damn, the comments here kinda make me sad for other peoples’ sex lives.”

  • Raitei

    When a sexual partner comes back to the same partner who never satisfies them, no matter how they change, it shall be called a “Call of Duty”

  • Infinity

    When you make a great and innovative sexual act that you and your partner talk about for months after but no one else will do it shall be called “Okami”

  • ImpofthePerverse

    Any and all tongue-play shall here for be known as “Yoshi-ing”.

    A man who has a small member but is otherwise good in bed shall be called a “Micro Machine”

    When the rhythm of sex increases shortly before orgasm (or for a short period of time before slowing to prevent orgasm) shall be known as “Power Staring”

  • Ashley F

    I know I’m evil, but I had to do it.

    A Rim Job will be known as “the outer circle” :D

  • The Anarchyz

    The “Red Ring of Death” (RROD), featured in this comic: … I rest my case.

  • AnonMan

    Your one night stand leaving after sleeping with you again in the morning, promising to see you again, and vanishing off the face of the Earth is now called a “Megaman Legends.”

  • DarkStorm2Bad

    I don’t think I need to explain which vehicle you do it in the back of to get a “Crazy Taxi”…

    When you pay a load of cash to have sex with a hooker, and then kill her to take your money back at the end, that is referred to as a “GTA3”

  • Marvin

    When a woman is having sex with a man and leaves him at the brink of orgasm, this shall be known as a “Duke Nukem Forever”

    • JHawkNH

      When a couple has great sex and the next morning the guy leaves saying “I’ll call you later.” and never does shall be called Duke Nukem Forever.

  • Drunkensailor

    Anytime you have a partner that never shuts up, they’ll be called a Navi. When a man falls asleep during intercourse, he shall be known as Little Nemo. Also, they should rename the Donkey Punch a Falcon Punch. (suprised noone’s made a “Pocket Monster” joke yet, btw…)

  • DragonKnight900

    When you orgasm it shall hence forth be known as a “Mass Effect”
    When a male goes from flaccid to erect one could say he “leveled up”
    Adult Friend Finder sites are renamed “guilds”
    and lastly if a younger man has sex with a woman he will be considered a “Tomb Raider”

    • DragonKnight900

      Edit: When a man has sex with an OLDER woman he is called a “Tomb Raider”

  • J. G.

    Anytime a man ends up having intercourse with a woman who is so unattractive that he can only sleep with her when the lights are out, she will be referred to as the “Twilight Princess.”
    If a man is unable to penetrate after three tries (ie, he is inept) it shall be known as a “Duck Hunt” since the woman will likely be laughing at him like the dog did.

    • Ryu

      “Ironically, Midna seems to be a popular target for Rule 34.”

  • TK64

    When a middle-aged couple can’t have fun during sex anymore, it’s Sonic the Hedgehog. It can still be enjoyable, but it just doesn’t have that spark anymore.

  • Maga

    I’m surprised nobody has tried Metroid jokes, what with the hot female lead and all the “protection” cracks

    When an orgasm leaves both partners totally drained of energy, that shall be a “Metroid Prime”
    When the noise from the above orgasm causes one or more neighbors to yell at the couple, that shall be “Prime 2: Echoes”
    When your smoking hot ex shows up and you two get it on just because you can, that shall be “Return of Samus”
    Lastly, when you “accidentally” slip out and wind up in the wrong hole, that shall be “Other M”

  • Jakk Frost

    The first thing I thought of when double-bagging was mentioned was to make the guy last longer specifically because of less enjoyment

  • brefin

    A blow job shall now be refered to as a “NES cartridge.”

  • i0ink

    a blow job should be called a metroid

  • The Anarchyz

    Mortal Kombat’s “Finish Him/Her”, this one is wayyy to obvious…

    A prostitute ready to the streets is a “Call of Duty”

    A man putting his junk all across the woman’s body until it lands into the woman’s mouth is called a “Dragon Quest”

  • AndrewFoose

    A guy that’s very good in bed, that always touches girls in just the right place but the girls all ignore is called an Elite Beat Agent.

  • K7

    Anything involving dressing up shall be called Final Fantasy X-2.

  • Paul

    Roleplaying shall be called “D&D”
    Changing the scenario during roleplaying shall be called “class changing”
    If both partners climax at the same time it will be called “critical hit”

  • Xu-kitty

    A high-class, but still overpriced hooker shall be a PS3.
    A hooker who’s an OK Looker, but still great in bed and fairlly priced: Wii. Ironically, not a Trap.
    A Birdo, of course, is with penis.

    Dream Sex: Super Mario 2.
    Teabagging: Halo.
    Making someone cheat on their fiancee: Priceless. Heh heh…

  • Broklynite

    Foreplay, where you sit there for an hour or so doing the same thing over and over and over again, maybe varying it slightly when you get bored, not getting any real satisfaction from it but knowing that it will eventually result in a payoff, shall now be known as Grinding.

    Having one of those days when you’re having a great time having sex, feeling good, but for whatever reason just cannot cum shall now be known as the Ninja Gaiden.

    Sex on a bicycle is now BMX:XXX

    Promising someone a blowjob tomorrow is now Morrowwind.

    Your girlfriend forcing you do go down on her when on the rag? That’s now Blood Rayne.

    Oh god, the possibilities are just endless. I’m just glancing at my games collection and the ideas keep coming (no pun intended).

    Suprise buttsex is now Sneak King.

    Having sex with someone you slept with 20+ years ago and not being sure how much you enjoyed it shall now be known as Shinobi.

    Being unable to get off unless you invitea friend along is now known as Contra.

    When you and your friend go back-to-back (if you don’t know what this is…well), it’s now the Army of Two.

    The angry dragon, where you would hold a girls head down as you cum and tell her that you have AIDS so that she snorts the cum through her nose to appear like smoke, but then demand money from her and tell her that she should be grateful will now be known as the Sony.

    Telling him that sex is free but everything else costs extra is now known as the XBOX360.

    A cute, petite woman who looks like a good time but ultimately leaves you dissapointed is now the Wii.

    Paying a hooker to do something which ends up making you feeling shameful and wondering why you bothered in the first place shall now be known as Horse Armor.

    I think I should stop now. This just has too much potential though.

    • J. G.

      Morrowwind… I love it! How about instead of calling it “grinding” we call it Dragon Quest?

      • Broklynite

        How about trying repeatedly to get into a girls pants but not succeeding- we call it the Dragon’s Lair.

        • Jakk Frost

          Shorten that to “repeatedly trying to get into a girl’s pants” and we have “MORTAL KOMBAT”

          (admit it, you just heard the shout from the movie theme song in your head)

          Success leads to the finishing move mentioned by The Alchemyz a few posts up.