Xbox One: The Final Punchline

Xbox One: The Final Punchline

Xbox One: The Final Punchline

by Steve Napierski to Comics

Hahaha… We’re still going to buy it! That’s the final joke. Don’t believe me? Let’s discuss this again in November.

source: The Escapist

Discussion (33)¬

  1. meh
    meh says:
    June 1, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    Would’ve been a funnier joke if it was actually a joke. I was planning on buying it when all we had to run on were rumors of a beefier Xbox with a souped up Kinect bundled in. That’s all I really wanted. Guaranteeing a Kinect with every system, like bundling Wii Remotes with every Wii, ensures that developers can safely USE the hardware in new and interesting ways, and allowing me to play games, watch Netflix, watch TV and do a slew of other fun things all on one input, ALL with voice commands, is a dream come true (the convenience of being able to command Netflix with simple “Xbox pause/play” commands has led me to make it my preferred device to use it on).

    The press conference did nothing to deter me from wanting it. I knew it was a hardware announcement, and I didn’t really expect a ton of games. They will make games for it. They will make every game available in the next XX years be available for it. I’m not worried. And come on people, the always-on Kinect is just listening for “Xbox one”, and if they ever did any more with it there would be a MASSIVE consumer backlash that would cripple the company.

    Oh, and pinging the internet every now and then? Who doesn’t have high-speed internet these days? This thing’s gonna be sitting in my living room connected to my TV, cable box and router. I’m not worried at all.

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous says:
      June 1, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

      Internet: Active soldiers don’t. Neither do people that live in deadzones.

      • meh
        meh says:
        June 1, 2013 at 10:54 pm #

        I hate to break it to you, but that’s going to be the cost of the next console generation. I’d bet you anything that the PS4 will have some system of game validation that requires at least occasional access to the internet too, and they’re just riding out the Xbox rumor mill before revealing it.

        • Whaaaaaaaaaaa
          Whaaaaaaaaaaa says:
          June 2, 2013 at 5:58 am #

          Sony has said you can go “offline totally”. There still could be some DRM with discs themselves though.

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 2, 2013 at 7:40 pm #

            You may still have to activate PS4 games online. And if Microsoft does cloud computing to make games run better, then Sony will most definitely follow suit. We don’t KNOW their internet situation because Sony has really said very little about it. I don’t even think they officially stated that you could be offline indefinitely to play games. At most I think they have probably just confirmed that they don’t need to be always-on.

            And Sony’s doing the game install thing too, so you can bet your ass that there will be some sort of DRM scheme in place to prevent disc sharing, which means internet. It’s the only way they can guarantee you don’t just pass around or copy the disc hundreds of times.

        • Alastor
          Alastor says:
          June 2, 2013 at 6:11 am #

          I’ll take that bet. All Sony has to do at E3 is say “We’re not Microsoft” and they win the next console war.

          Microsoft: No used games, no borrowing games, no lending games
          Sony: We have a great working relationship with GameStop

          Microsoft: Internet check in every 24 hours in order to play games
          Sony: No need to be online ever if you wish

          Microsoft: We are an all-in-one entertainment center first
          Sony: The PS4 is a gaming system first, a media device second

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 2, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

            “Sony: The PS4 is a gaming system first, a media device second”
            You do realize that the PS4 will do pretty much EVERYTHING the Xbox One will aside from TV, right? It will do Netflix, it will do blu-ray discs, it will do other forms of media. It has an included camera peripheral, and I’d bet anything they’ll have a video chat system like the Xbox and Wii U have. Microsoft added TV to the mix, and suddenly everyone acts like it can’t even play games any more.

            “Microsoft: No used games, no borrowing games, no lending games
            Sony: We have a great working relationship with GameStop”
            First off, Microsoft stated that you can still play a game on someone else’s system using your account, and they will have some system for used games. Secondly, Sony has been pretty vague about their used game system and disc registering. I see some sources have said that games won’t require online… But then they go on to say that they could, if the developer wants it. How do we know 90% of games aren’t going to require the internet for registration or cloud support? Finally, I haven’t heard anything about GameStop and the PS4, but here’s a lovely little article that says that GameStop’s president has confirmed that BOTH systems will be able to trade games in:
            http://www.vg247.com/2013/05/22/xbox-one-and-ps4-games-can-be-re-sold-confirms-gamestop-president/

        • Xaleot
          Xaleot says:
          June 2, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

          that doesn’t make it okay

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 3, 2013 at 1:14 am #

            Nope, but it’s not as one-sided against one console as everyone’s implying. And the no used-game/always-on thing has existed for years with platforms like Steam, so people should really stop acting like MS is trying to be assholes here.

      • Triaxx2
        Triaxx2 says:
        June 2, 2013 at 7:09 am #

        Not everyone lives in the big city, where you can get an always on connection. If you’re still on dial-up, then having two things on the internet at the same time, means you can do anything with either one.

    • Justanotherguy
      Justanotherguy says:
      June 2, 2013 at 12:02 am #

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/31/internet-access-american-households_n_2049123.html

      People who say “who doesn’t have internet these days”, are the same people who should probably use the internet to find out whether or not the comment they are about to make is going to make them look ignorant.

      Just saying.

    • anon
      anon says:
      June 3, 2013 at 11:04 am #

      Who doesn’t have (reliable) high-speed internet these days?

      Armed forces on break/leave.
      Extremely rural towns/families.
      People who lost their internet to storms, but still manage to have electricity.

      And all these people should just get with the times? Sorry dude, you’re a little screwed up if you’re actually supporting the idea that it’s just too bad for them.

  2. yue
    yue says:
    June 1, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

    As someone who is part of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race, I shall be laughing from my higher position at the lowly console peasants who rush to buy this pathetic excuse of gaming machine, barely as powerful as a PC from 2~3 years ago.

    • meh
      meh says:
      June 1, 2013 at 11:00 pm #

      Who cares if PC is more powerful? This will be more affordable than a powerful PC, and everything will work out of the box with it, which is the main draw of console gaming. No need to tweak settings; everything will work at maximum power straight out the box. And that power is several MAGNITUDES higher than the current gen of consoles, which have consistently supported the same games as PC since their release. Yes, PCs will have the potential to make the games LOOK better, but it doesn’t really matter when everything looks fantastic already. Plus, my computer of 2 years has roughly the same power, ram, etc as the next consoles, and it can play every game I’ve bought for it at max settings. So… Games are going to look very good.

      And we also buy consoles for unique experiences. The Kinect, PS Eye and Wii U Gamepad will offer varying experiences that the PC will not, and I get them in my living room on my TV sitting on my couch. Unless you PC game on a 60-inch monitor with your friends over, you can’t tell me that yours is going to be a more powerful experience.

      • Mygaffer
        Mygaffer says:
        June 2, 2013 at 12:24 am #

        Can you people just stop with these arguments about consoles versus PCs? If someone wants to be the douchebag to start it just don’t reply. Because when you reply you become the douchbag.

      • lilhasselhoffer
        lilhasselhoffer says:
        June 2, 2013 at 12:39 am #

        So help me here. What I ‘m hearing is:
        1) The system will be cheaper than a comparable computer.
        2) You can play a console on a 60″ TV, but not a computer.
        3) Most games have split screen modes, so I can sit in the same room with my friends and play.
        4) Console controllers offer a unique experience.

        Answering these challenged in order.
        1) No. A top tier APU, 8GB of RAM, a decent HDD, and DVD drive can be had for about the same price. This is what those new consoles are.
        2) HDMI. The same interface the consoles use can be used on a computer. If your console plugs into it so can your computer.
        3) No, they don’t. Most games with multiplayer run through online match making. LAN gaming is dying in PCs, just like split-screen is dying in consoles. It is a shame, but not unreasonable.
        4) All of the consoles controllers have been demonstrated to run on windows. In addition, PCs have the Occulus rift, 3d mouse, and a host of other peripherals.

        I prefer consoles to be the kings at playing games. Insert disc, 30 seconds later I’m good to go. MS is pushing for installation, verification, killing the used game markets by dictating how they work, and making a media machine. My HTPC does all of this, doesn’t require me to fat finger in long alpha-numeric codes, and can be upgraded. PC gaming hasn’t gotten better, consoles are just adopting all of the crappy things PCs do, and not playing games better anymore. That is why I prefer the PC. Bring me back the PS2 vs. PC days, and I’ll be playing FF9 until the disc wears out and the PC is covered in cob webs.

        • meh
          meh says:
          June 2, 2013 at 2:16 am #

          You make some good points, but there are still some things I feel offer a nicer experience on consoles and will continue to do so. You said that you can insert the disc and 30 seconds later be playing, and I’m pretty sure that isn’t changing. There will be some sort of verification to add the game to your account, but it may be on-disc, or may be a code, but on PC I’ve had to deal with codes plenty and it hasn’t been an issue really. The new installation process has also been promised to be doable WHILE playing the game too, so I think that will still be the case.

          1+2) Yes, you can plug your computer into your TV… But then what do you have? If it’s a desktop, then it’s fixed there and you can play games on it, but it’s awkward to play mouse+keyboard games on a couch (even with wireless peripherals), and if you’re using controllers… Then why not just get a console? You can play games, watch movies (off external drives, DVDs, from Netflix, etc), browse the web, and so on with all the new consoles, and the experience is optimized for a living room setting with various controllers. If you have a laptop dock or something, then I’d imagine either the game quality would be lower or you’d have paid double the price for a nice gaming laptop.

          3) I may be an edge case, but the GRAND majority of my console multiplayer has been local. Things like Castle Crashers, Battleblock Theater, trivia games, racing games, fighting games, FPS games… I just like them better in person and have friends over (I’m in my 20s with a job and such, btw). And both the PS4 and Xbox One have mentioned the ability for the consoles to recognize who is holding which controllers to streamline the local multiplayer process. I may some day get a PC to afix to my TV, but having 4 wireless controllers for it just doesn’t seem like it would be easy to set up.

          4) Most controllers can run on PCs, but not without significant work. Additional dongles, extraneous programs, etc. And I know people have used things like the Kinect on Windows too, but the official game support isn’t really there. Skyrim has fantastic Kinect support on the Xbox (there’s nothing more satisfying than shouting dragon shouts at your TV and blowing enemies away), and as far as I know the support isn’t on the PC. Sure you can get a crappy user mod and hope that it works as well as the officially supported version, but on the Xbox it just works. And a Kinect with every Xbox One means they can throw official (optional) voice (and to a lesser extent movement) support into ANY game they want. It will offer you an experience they won’t give you on the PC. And it will be used to control EVERYTHING with the system, which is something I feel you’d be hard pressed to emulate on a PC (once you’ve controlled a movie with voice controls while serving food you’ll understand the simple conveniences that things like this offer).

          PCs and consoles both have their benefits, and more and more I’m seeing that PCs are starting to close the gap in convenience that consoles offer, but I think as long as consoles make it easy to just sit down and play, and throw in new WAYS to play that are optimized for the big screen, there is still a perfectly valid reason to have one.

          • Ishbane
            Ishbane says:
            June 2, 2013 at 5:35 am #

            1+2) Steam Big Picture. “Then why not just get a console?” I already have a PC, why would i want to pay a few more hundred bucks for a box that allows me to watch tv on my tv?

            4) Xbawks 360 controller always works out of the box, as do logitech ones. Why would i want to use a miniscule PS3 controller or (lol) a wii-mote?

          • Triaxx2
            Triaxx2 says:
            June 2, 2013 at 7:04 am #

            1) On the other hand, I can also play all the amazing content generated on the internet on a 60″ screen. As for it being ‘awkward’ I use this awesome thing with wheels on it, known as a chair, so I can just move a table and play like that.

            3) This one I’ll grant. l do like some split screen gaming, but the last enjoyable split screen I played was Goldeneye/Perfect Dark.

            4) Of course having the official SDK makes it easier to plug in connectivity to the Kinect than if you’re working by the seat of your pants to figure out what works. Plus since the XboXes all use identical architecture and exactly the same, it’s easy. But when you’re working for the PC, what works perfectly on my system, might not work at all on yours, due to differences in hardware, software and individual user ability. So saying ‘crappy user mod’ is all well and good, but the amount of time that gets put into that kind of thing is pretty massive, and it’s not done with the resources of a huge company which can just throw money at the project until it goes away.

            Frankly, I wish consoles would continue to be GAME consoles, and just send me into the game when I turn them on and stop trying to convince me to do other things.

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 2, 2013 at 11:53 am #

            Ishbane… Integrated Kinect support?

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 2, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

            Triaxx2, I agree with you for the most part on most points. The one thing that bothers me is people implying that the new Xbox won’t be about games any more. It can do TV integration now on top of the other entertainment features it can already do. …So? What, do you think they’re going to have a new console for the next 10 years and just coast along on tweaks to TV watching? It’s a one-time-add feature. It’s a nice convenience to draw people in, but to keep people, they will release games. They will release every big game that comes to the PS4 and PC, with the difference being that they will look better than the last generation and will potentially have support for the new Kinect and controllers. They will work just as well as games do on the current generation, except that you’ll probably have to buy new (a curse that the PC crowd has had to deal with for years now), and there will be new conveniences associated with increased connectivity and game installs (faster loading, no-disc play, easier multiplayer, etc).

            People are acting like the hardware reveal, which only announced a couple dozen games (sports games, COD, 15 exclusives, etc) means that the system is abandoning games, when in truth, the system is just becoming more of a well-integrated entertainment hub with a FOCUS on games.

            You know. Kinda like a PC.

          • Anonymous
            Anonymous says:
            June 2, 2013 at 3:46 pm #

            @meh: Lord, did you get tired of being shut down on other websites? You sound and act like a M$ shill.

          • meh
            meh says:
            June 2, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

            OH NO, ANONYMOUS FIGURED ME OUT. :O

          • Callback
            Callback says:
            June 3, 2013 at 10:13 am #

            PS3 is the most comfortable controller I use. It has the most comfortable D-Pad for fighting games, if you are the kind of player who prefers a D-pad for fighting games.

            As for arguments about the consoles themselves, I still disagree entirely with Microsoft’s Xbox Live Gold policy, which is the biggest reason I will never own an Xbox. Both Microsoft and Sony are moving closer and closer to PCs with their consoles. The hardware specs are shockingly similar, and there will be no excuse for a bad port in this next generation, no matter what system you develop for. With everything so similar, that does allow for good freedom of choice. I always prefer PC if available, since I own a good gaming rig, and it offers the most options for control. I could never play a FPS without keyboard and mouse. The other similarity comes from the way games are going to be managed. If everything is an install, with either online checks or locking to a single machine, doesn’t that remind you of how Steam connects? With decent sized hard drives, the digital market for console gaming should be ready to explode, opening up all kinds of sales to the players while cutting Gamestop and the whole used game debate out of the picture entirely.

            With one exception.

            Nintendo, no matter what happens with the others, will stand strong. Innovative controls, a strong handheld, and a huge lineup of first party and exclusive titles, leave it untouched by this conflict, and something every gamer should have on the side with whichever machine they choose to main.

  3. lilhasselhoffer
    lilhasselhoffer says:
    June 2, 2013 at 10:14 pm #

    Here’s what I am talking about in a nutshell.

    The Xbox controllers now work on windows by default. Plug it into a USB port (exactly the same as on an xbox, but not a proprietary connector), and you’re working. Logitech has had a PS2 controller that does the same for years (I was playing PS1 emulations more than a decade ago using one).

    MS spent a press conference about a gaming console talking about streaming media, television, sports, and generally everything but how their new device played games. An HTPC is what they demonstrated, just infinitely less flexible and locked into MS’s DRM of choice… This is not a console demonstration that showed access to extra features, it was a demonstration of an HTPC with MS DRM built into it from the ground up. That scares the bejesus out of me, it doesn’t make me want to buy it.

    Look at modern games. I remember the golden days of the PS2, N64, and Xbox. The games that I fondly remember for split screen are ancient. The largest current multi-player draws are COD and Battlefield. Neither of which offers split screen.

    To your point about the gaming situation not changing, I call shenanigans. My PC can boot a game in 30 seconds, assuming it is installed. MS is saying they want the same exact thing. You buy a shiny new game, plug it into the system, then spend half an hour loading it onto the HDD before you can play. I do that already, but on the PC I can have mods. Arma II isn’t my cup of tea, but Day Z is tons of fun. Fallout ran poorly until I applied half a dozen user patches (that were better than Bethesda’s official ones). I can load a game I’ve never played into either an Xbox or PS2, and be playing for the first time within 60 seconds of cracking that disc case open.

    So we disagree fundamentally, based on what this press conference brought to the table. I think we can agree that the boon of console gaming is that so vastly differed from PC gaming. MS is trying to close that gap, but they don’t know how to preserve the good parts of the console. What I believe is that the Xbone heralds the terrible parts of PC gaming, without the benefits of consoles. MS is making a console into a PC, without the freedom of a PC. That is an exercise that will kill a console. Nobody, who really understands what consoles represent, wants consoles to die. The shame is that MS execs do not understand consoles. Period.

    • meh
      meh says:
      June 3, 2013 at 1:31 am #

      I agree on pretty much all of your points, but when it comes down to it, I think the biggest argument for consoles, which is not changing with the Xbox One, is ease of use. This is, coincidentally enough, the PC vs Mac debate. Android vs iPhone. One is infinitely flexible (PC), but requires some know-how and effort to properly utilize, and the other (console) works right out of the box and requires little effort to use and maintain. I still believe in that beauty of console gaming, and as of the current generation, software updates have made that idea into an undeniable reality. Games will work right out of the boxes, and often have very friendly interfaces for the controllers that come with the system. Without installing anything else or tweaking any settings, all games you buy for your console will simply work, and for the most part you will not have to worry about them crashing or over-working your system, since it was designed for it. You’re paying for the convenience of never having to manually update, download or set-up software, never having to worry about graphics settings or display resolution, never having to map buttons to game actions or ensure that none of the connected controllers interfere with each other. It all just works, and with enhancements like Kinect-controlled interfaces, they will work *well*. Easy, effort-free, doable by the every-man. That’s something that I believe is not going away.

      • JP
        JP says:
        June 3, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

        Are you sure you’re not an MS employee? I don’t think anyone else would so vehemently defend that piece of junk. Maybe not even them.

        While I kinda see your point of consoles being easier to use, there are so many drawbacks that almost every gamer I’ve talked to or read said they’re not interested in the Xbone.
        I play my games on my PC. I have a PC because I need it, and since I would have one anyway it’s very convenient not having to waste money on another hardware that will allow me to do so. If you’re defending the convenience of a device that joins media and gaming, what about one that fulfills my non-gaming computer needs and my gaming habit without costing me extra?

        And what about watching tv then? Well, I already watch tv on my tv and I never needed an xbox to do that. If you wanna pay God-knows-how-much for the ability to pause your movies with voice commands go ahead, I just think it isn’t worth several hundred dollars.
        BTW: I’m not much interested in Kinect, but if you like it that much go for it.

  4. Rezanator
    Rezanator says:
    June 3, 2013 at 9:31 pm #

    Damn it! Cant we just wait until they announce the whole thing and then you can run with it? They are not going to talk about games until E3. The previous conference was not directed at gamers.

    Apple, Sony, and Google get the benefit of the doubt when ever they plan to do anything. There might be some complaining afterwards, but nothing too serious. Meanwhile Microsoft must be up to something evil regardless of what they have said or plan to do. It is hard not to think that there must be an anti-Microsoft conspiracy, that makes sure that they get all the press.

    The funny thing is that nobody on the main press has notice that the XBOX 1 practical runs windows 8 (it has hyper V and other stuff, but whatever). Knowing that they hate win8,I though they would have made fun of that. Plus there are no rings of deaths jokes anymore.

    I do not have to be a microsoft employee to support the company. Maybe there are people that do like their products.

    I do agree with the XBOX live deal; they should not charge people for the ability to play online. But people payed it and continue to do so. They never complained to loudly.

  5. Neospector
    Neospector says:
    June 4, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    “The Xbox One will not be backwards compatible”.
    That’s the only argument I needed to hear to make my decision, the other flaws merely tack on to that, and the same applied when I chose PS2 over the PS3.
    I don’t want to pay for a system if it only supports games I don’t have and will likely never buy. Meanwhile I’ll still vouch for the Wii U and Nintendo. Because no matter what you say about “graphics quality” and such, just remember that the Wii U will be backwards compatible down to Neo Geo and the Sega Master System through the virtual console. Microsoft doesn’t even come close to winning out. Sony has a slight lead on Microsoft, though, because the PS4 may be compatible with PS2 classics through the store, but still wont be compatible with physical PS3 games.

    • meh
      meh says:
      June 6, 2013 at 7:57 am #

      I don’t buy new consoles to play old games. I have old consoles for that. I buy new consoles to play new games, and if I want to play old games, I use the old consoles I already have. Nobody cared that the SNES, N64, Gamecube and most other consoles weren’t backwards compatible.

      On the XBox side of things, think of this:
      1) The new Kinect is vastly different than the old one (it doesn’t even move this time around), so old games that use Kinect are out.
      2) The hardware architecture is different on the new Xbox is very different, making BC difficult (unless they throw in extra legacy hardware and increase system complexity/price).
      3) Every game on the new Xbox is installed to the hard drive, making hard drive space precious. I have over 100GB of space used on my 360, and I’m sure other people have more, so if I transferred all my old saves, game updates, DLC and installed games over, I’d just be wasting space on my new machine.

      On the Wii U side of things, think of this:
      1) The virtual Wii menu on the Wii U is a pain in the ass and severely outdated.
      2) You can’t use NEW controllers (like the decently good Wii U Pro Controller) in Wii mode, and you can’t use Gamecube controllers (I have an adapter but it adds lag and the button mapping is stupid), so playing games like Smash Bros is a terrible pain. And if you tell me that I should just play on my Wii, then your argument for BC goes out the window.
      3) The system only reserves half a gig of space for Wii saves and games (like the original system), so you can’t even store them all on it if you’re like me and have a lot of VC titles.

      Backwards compatibility, to implement properly, requires a lot of extra hardware and jumping through hoops. They can’t risk making something an incorrect experience by using more resources or different hardware, so in the end you’re just increasing the cost of your system and development time to shove in a crappy version of something you already own.

      Granted, the Wii did BC well, but that’s because they had hardware ports for the controllers, and all GC data was stored on memory cards. Now that everything’s internal and there are things like DLC, game updates and on-system storage… It just really isn’t worth it. Just change the TV input.

  6. Kris Nunnayourbuisness
    Kris Nunnayourbuisness says:
    June 11, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

    I got a question not related to the comic but just a question what if you play consoles and pc I mean I hear pc people talk like they are kings and the console players are like peasents but I like playing both so does that make me a drifter?

  7. Chris L Laugh
    Chris L Laugh says:
    July 1, 2013 at 8:45 am #

    I imagine the Xbox One will be bought mostly by grand parents who are just buying their kids, "One of them play stations." Thaaaaanks Grandma.

  8. Conner Phillips
    Conner Phillips says:
    July 1, 2013 at 2:21 pm #

    that shit is going to happen too.